Could Coaching Conversations Transform Your Business?
Rethink the way you communicate—your business will thank you.
What on earth is coaching?
One of the conversations I have most frequently is about the definition of coaching – not least because every other person working as a coach seems to have their own definition.
My theory is that the established coaching bodies and the courses accredited by them share a common definition which describes coaching as a process in which the answers come from the coachee, with the coach simply facilitating that process through questioning, listening and feedback.
The coachee is the person responsible for the results and needs to be committed and motivated to take part in the process. Often the work and the progress happens in between the sessions (with the coaching framework providing accountability which helps to make sure that that work gets done).
There is no snake oil and no magic book which contains all the answers to your problems but the process itself can generate incredible results.
The absence of snake oil is probably the reason that other definitions proliferate. It is perhaps an easier sell to offer solutions rather than reflective space.
And, of course, some people are using the term in its more long-standing term – thinking about sports coaches and weight loss coaches – people who offer you a programme and cheer you on at the same time. There is definitely a place for that.
But, even short of a formal coaching relationship, there is much that others could learn from the style adopted in a coaching conversation in the way that I use that term.
It can offer a simple and powerful way to improve your own communication as well as communication within your team and at meetings.
A coaching style
Just recently, I delivered a communications workshop to a fantastic team when one of the main penny-drop moments related to their communication style and, for many of them, the actions they set at the end of the workshop included “adopting a more coaching style”.
Through a series of discussions, they became aware of how often they interrupted both each other and their clients, admittedly often because of their enthusiasm. But, whatever the reason, the effect is the same in that the interruption breaks the flow of the person’s thinking.
When we compared that with conversations where one person held the floor and had the whole attention of the person listening to them, they could easily recognise how different that felt.
Holding the floor allowed them to explore their thoughts out loud whilst feeling supported and to explore what was important to them, their own possible solutions without being influenced by the other person.
Those who were listening and not interrupting certainly found it harder but could see the benefits it produced.
The group as a whole even managed to appreciate the benefit of silence. In a busy world full of noise and data, silence is pretty rare but, by becoming comfortable with some silence in conversations, we learn that thinking is important and might lead to better solutions than those which emerge when everyone is just keen to make noise.
So, when we explored what they meant by the action of “adopting a more coaching style” in their communication, it really came down to the following, for communications with clients and colleagues:
Asking open questions – TEDS is a good mnemonic for that – Tell me, Explain to me, Describe, Show me;
Listening to the answer without interruption – you can certainly still nod along or adopt your own style of active listening, the key is not to jump in with your own opinions or solutions;
Holding some silence until you are sure they have nothing more to say, then asking if there is anything more they want to say;
Depending on the situation, perhaps then asking if they want you to share your thoughts.
For big conversations around tricky topics, why not do all of the above whilst walking outside in the fresh air? This often feels less pressurised than sitting in a formal pairing and can help to generate fresh thinking.
There are, I think other communication and business skills that we can learn from coaching also.
Having a structure (but not too much of a structure)
When I switched from barrister to coach, one of my challenges was to get my head round a number of coaching models (as well as getting my head out of giving advice).
The cynic (lawyer) in me suspected some of the so-called models were simply re-stating the obvious in an effort to sell books.
However, it is worth knowing that, whichever acronym they choose, many of the models are a variation on:
Where are you now?
Where do you want to be?
How can you get there?
How likely is this to happen? What might get in the way?
The benefit of structuring suitable conversations around this model (not slavishly following it) is that it is forward-looking and can stop the person in the coachee role getting stuck in the past or in analysis of the problem and help them towards solutions.
A useful tip if searching for solutions is to keep open-minded on both sides about the number of possible solutions to the problem, rather than narrowing the options too soon.
Depending, on the topic, it can also be useful to remember that there are coaching models which also focus on what is going well now, something which is often missed even in those who are well-versed in the habit of reflection.
Feedback
One of the benefits of an ongoing coaching relationship is that it means that the coachee benefits from feedback with the coach spotting patterns, inconsistencies and what is not being said.
In a business this can translate into creating a culture where feedback is the norm, rather than being limited to an annual appraisal; where people in all roles are happy to discuss how things are going, what’s going well and where improvements can be made.
This can lead to greater openness and honesty all round. It also drives development and stops bad practice becoming embedded.
One suggested approach is for everybody, including leaders to get into habit of asking each other (and themselves) questions such as the following at regular intervals and, in particular, at the end of a project:
What do you think went well (in this project)? What should we do more of next time?
What could have gone better? What should we change next time?
Is there anything I could improve on next time?
Accountability
In coaching, the coach in a later session will ask if the coachee has completed the actions they set for themselves in the earlier coaching session. This prevents drift and, in practice, makes the coachee much more likely to complete the actions or, to identify that perhaps the actions were not right for them, at which point any further actions can be reviewed.
An accountability buddy can replicate the benefits here. Or even solo diarised check-ins, perhaps accompanied by some written reflections so that an individual can make a realistic assessment of where they are up to in achieving goals, or completing a project.
But, perhaps, the real transferrable lesson here is to ensure that you are setting goals for yourself and your team and measuring your progress against them.
This is a really useful way to make sure that you don’t find yourself 12 months in with no progress made, whatever the personal or professional project you relate this to.
Good luck with your actions
At the end of most coaching sessions, I wish my clients good luck with their actions and so I wish you the same with trying whatever changes to your communication style that feel right for you or, indeed, cherry-picking from the other gems that coaching has to offer.
 | A guest post by
|